On Thursday night, president-elect Donald Trump showed up at a Cincinnati arena to kick off his post-election “thank you tour.” First of all, let’s call this tour what it is – a crass, self-congratulatory victory lap. It’s a chance for Trump to put aside the annoying responsibility of actually learning how to be president, and instead do what Trump does best: brag, strut around for the cameras, pat himself on the back, do a little petty score-settling, and soak up the applause of his remaining fans who haven’t yet figured out they’ve been swindled. Sure, he could take his duty to the country seriously and spend this time reading the Constitution or glancing at a world map for the first time in his life… but then what would his supporters do with all their chants and adulation? Woe be unto him who stands between Trump’s narcissism and its favorite food. The nation’s well-being will have to wait; Trump must tend to his ego first. A throng of adoring fans awaits!


But wait, what’s this? Vacant seats… a half-empty arena… where is the sea of frenzied admirers? Something must be wrong. Did the event organizers print the wrong date or venue on the posters? It couldn’t possibly mean that enthusiasm has waned since the election due to Trump’s immediate reversal on every significant campaign promise he made… could it? Naaaah, that can’t be it – it must be a mistake! Or… wait… yes! It’s a liberal conspiracy! The lamestream media did this, probably working directly with the DNC and the Clinton Foundation. And ISIS. And BLM. Hell, there was probably a coalition of namby-pamby left-wing college students putting trigger warnings all around the arena! Well, they won’t get away with it – get Breitbart on the phone, they’ll convince the world this was the yugest and most amazing rally since Berlin! Wait, bad example. Don’t let them print that.

Ok, jokes aside, the victory-lap rally turnout was pretty weak. It could be waning enthusiasm – Trump’s obvious incompetence, backtracking on campaign promises, and dangerous foreign policy blunders have even many devoted Trumpkins questioning the wisdom of their votes. But there may be something else at work, a grain of truth hidden in the silly paragraph above… maybe it was a liberal conspiracy after all. A little bird informed me that some Trump critics have been reserving tickets for his upcoming gloat-fests, and – *gasp* – aren’t planning to attend. Thanks to the power of the Internet (and the collective rage of the majority of the country), this effort might leave quite a few seats empty for the remaining events. It might seem like a petty slight at first glance, but think about it: when Donald Trump takes the stage to remind everyone how fantastic he is, he might be yelling his boasts at an arena in which more than half of the seats are intentionally left empty. If there’s a better way to visually remind him (and anyone watching) that more than half of America rejects him, I can’t think of it.

Reservations for upcoming Trump events can be made – for free – on this website.

Arena photo credit: Ruth Sherlock

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